I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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