I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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