so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
