I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you had me at cake vodka
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
