oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
