so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
