I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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