My first STD was from a foam party
Someone shit on the floor
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
