So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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