cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
