Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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