Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
