if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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