if i can run in heels then i can drive
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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