nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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