okay pat passed out under dana's car
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
