it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
