I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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