He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
