I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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