she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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