you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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