All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, beer. Big fan.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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