The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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