my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
