After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
