Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
