your parents love me but you hate me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
