i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
