He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
