I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
