One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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