I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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