I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
