Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
