do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
