And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
