I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
