I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
