people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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