I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
