If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
