He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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