I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
