Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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