So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
