Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
