Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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