I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
