i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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