I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
