I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
