i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
